Jeopardy
[MONDAY, AUGUST 28]
Someone sing the Jeopardy song. *annoying warbling*
Thank you.
Alright, where was I?
Haaa, wait. I didn't actually start. So, it's 12:43, and I'm on my break until 1:30, when my next class starts. I decided to pass the good amount of time by writing.
I was so ready to start off the fall semester as a new college student with big smiles and positive vibes, but, as you discovered from my post about the first day, things went somewhat hectic. In fact, the entire week was hectic.
MON: I freaked about the eclipse while waiting in a long line for my ID.
TUE: I walked into my DI class late.
WED: I tripped at school while holding cotton candy (a story I hid from y'all because it was just too embarrassing. And no I'm not gonna tell y'all about it.)
THUR: I got mauled in karate class. (Thanks Yasmeen)
FRI: I got up early and visited FinAid at school, underwent an emotional wave, and rushed out to buy cookies at Tom Thumb.
SAT: I got up early again to volunteer at a homeschooling presentation, have froyo with friends, and go to my friend's birthday party.
SUN: I got up early again to go to karate class and have my belt test.
Basically, for the entire week, I had to get up early. Which is fine, I mean. I prefer a more active lifestyle. But that's missing the point. What I really wanted to get into was how I felt since the fall semester began. It started off crazy and I felt anything far from optimistic, which for me is uncommon because school doesn't stress me out until later in the semester.
I've lately disliked staying home. Alright, hated staying home. Not because there's nothing to do there, but because I'm treated like trash there. I don't want to expose anyone so I won't elaborate. But I hate staying home. I want to stay outside, live my own life, live by my own rules, and discover who I am. Because I don't know who I am. My personality is split. I'm a completely different person at home than I am with my friends. I mean, obviously, you're more respectful, more open, more harsh with your family. and more social and open with your friends. Or whatever, I'm not sure how it usually works. With my family, I'm very quiet and I feel foolish when I belt out a song or talk to myself. And when we're all actually on good terms, I feel awkward. I feel afraid to be who I am in my own home. I feel afraid to wear lipstick or look nice. I feel pressured to make everything I do, perfect, because I never feel like enough.
With my friends, I'm open, social, talkative, affable, loving, caring, motherly, sisterly, confident, and happy. I feel like it's okay with being myself when I'm around them. But then, when family and friends collide, I don't know how to act. Should I act like I like them or should I be quiet? I'm afraid to act like the former because I can tell that once we're home, someone's gonna say something like, "You said this and you never act like that at home!" So basically I'm afraid to say or do anything that my instinct tells me to, because someone's gonna throw it back at me at home. Make me feel like I did something wrong, like I'm supposed to do something else. Like, acting like myself is controlled by them, not me.
I guess this is why I'm lowkey attached and attracted to my sister, because she's the only family member who's seen both sides of me. So she understands me a lot more.
Staying at home always makes me depressed, sad, angry, and insecure. When it's not any of those, I'm just bored or relaxed.
I used to hate on my sister for always staying out of the house for hours and hours, but now I understand why. People at home suck. No one understands each other. No one is nice to each other. There's no communication.
(Lol this post was supposed to be posted last Monday, but I didn't get to publish it. I'll just publish it now because I can't bear to delete it all.)
Until next time! :)
Someone sing the Jeopardy song. *annoying warbling*
Thank you.
Alright, where was I?
Haaa, wait. I didn't actually start. So, it's 12:43, and I'm on my break until 1:30, when my next class starts. I decided to pass the good amount of time by writing.
I was so ready to start off the fall semester as a new college student with big smiles and positive vibes, but, as you discovered from my post about the first day, things went somewhat hectic. In fact, the entire week was hectic.
MON: I freaked about the eclipse while waiting in a long line for my ID.
TUE: I walked into my DI class late.
WED: I tripped at school while holding cotton candy (a story I hid from y'all because it was just too embarrassing. And no I'm not gonna tell y'all about it.)
THUR: I got mauled in karate class. (Thanks Yasmeen)
FRI: I got up early and visited FinAid at school, underwent an emotional wave, and rushed out to buy cookies at Tom Thumb.
SAT: I got up early again to volunteer at a homeschooling presentation, have froyo with friends, and go to my friend's birthday party.
SUN: I got up early again to go to karate class and have my belt test.
Basically, for the entire week, I had to get up early. Which is fine, I mean. I prefer a more active lifestyle. But that's missing the point. What I really wanted to get into was how I felt since the fall semester began. It started off crazy and I felt anything far from optimistic, which for me is uncommon because school doesn't stress me out until later in the semester.
I've lately disliked staying home. Alright, hated staying home. Not because there's nothing to do there, but because I'm treated like trash there. I don't want to expose anyone so I won't elaborate. But I hate staying home. I want to stay outside, live my own life, live by my own rules, and discover who I am. Because I don't know who I am. My personality is split. I'm a completely different person at home than I am with my friends. I mean, obviously, you're more respectful, more open, more harsh with your family. and more social and open with your friends. Or whatever, I'm not sure how it usually works. With my family, I'm very quiet and I feel foolish when I belt out a song or talk to myself. And when we're all actually on good terms, I feel awkward. I feel afraid to be who I am in my own home. I feel afraid to wear lipstick or look nice. I feel pressured to make everything I do, perfect, because I never feel like enough.
With my friends, I'm open, social, talkative, affable, loving, caring, motherly, sisterly, confident, and happy. I feel like it's okay with being myself when I'm around them. But then, when family and friends collide, I don't know how to act. Should I act like I like them or should I be quiet? I'm afraid to act like the former because I can tell that once we're home, someone's gonna say something like, "You said this and you never act like that at home!" So basically I'm afraid to say or do anything that my instinct tells me to, because someone's gonna throw it back at me at home. Make me feel like I did something wrong, like I'm supposed to do something else. Like, acting like myself is controlled by them, not me.
I guess this is why I'm lowkey attached and attracted to my sister, because she's the only family member who's seen both sides of me. So she understands me a lot more.
Staying at home always makes me depressed, sad, angry, and insecure. When it's not any of those, I'm just bored or relaxed.
I used to hate on my sister for always staying out of the house for hours and hours, but now I understand why. People at home suck. No one understands each other. No one is nice to each other. There's no communication.
(Lol this post was supposed to be posted last Monday, but I didn't get to publish it. I'll just publish it now because I can't bear to delete it all.)
Until next time! :)
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