1 Week Deep Into 2026

It has been years since my last post. And no, I'm not making that remark in jest to acknowledge the new year. Accurately speaking, I last posted a year and three months ago - on my 26th birthday. Ever since I made the life-changing move to my current location, every year has blinked by like a montage - not to mention, trauma affects one's memory. It just won't leave me alone. It's persistent, like an angry wasp enclosed within a cup. Even though I'm safe from the wasp when it's in that cup, I'm still responsible for holding onto it to make sure it doesn't escape. But it needs to get out in order for me to be free. Yes - the angry, loud, violent, dangerous wasp needs to get away - not stay trapped.


Now you may be saying, "Well, it's not that easy!" and you'd be right - it isn't - which is why I meticulously described the wasp with adjectives. My freedom costs the release of a volatile creature which will, no doubt, dart at me, buzz at me, sting me - and none of it will be pretty. I'll cry. I'll swipe at it in defense. I'll take days to weeks to recover from the stings. But after that? The wasp is gone, and I am healed. The wasp may remember me (if we're being scientifically accurate), and I may remember the damage it did. Nevertheless, we are now both free from each other. All because we let everything go. I let the wasp go. The wasp let its anger go.


Brevity is a skill I lack when it comes to speaking. My intention with this analogy was to imply that most of the past 11 years have not treated me well. Unfortunately, even if a few days stood out from the year like crystals in the sand, the bad memories are ultimately all I see. Had I been in a happy, nurturing environment, I know I would have been prepared enough for the disaster that life is in 2026. Happiness and loving treatment really impact a person, and when it is withheld from them, they do not thrive. I feel as though I compare accurately to a mature mango tree which has yet to bear fruits.


Or, my oddly late bloomer of a monarch butterfly. I received it as a caterpillar from a local community member back in the first week of December. Since Texas experiences all four seasons at any time of the year, we had a summer-esque November and December, with temperatures up to 90ºF, and I think it disoriented some of the wildlife. Monarchs usually migrate between August-November, so having a monarch caterpillar in December was weird enough. Initially the emergence date was the 22nd of December, but we're nearly two weeks after that and it's still in the chrysalis. I'm worried it's passed, which bums me out, as I've never raised a monarch caterpillar before, and I was looking forward to releasing it. But I'm going to give it as long as it needs, until or unless it begins rotting.


With December on topic, I'd love to dive into a recap of last year, because it feels like it was a pretty good year to me. I posted a short version on Instagram, but Instagram loves brevity, so it wasn't long before an angry pop-up told me my caption was too long.


I noticed everyone taking part in a trend where a group of friends gathers together to stick flags into a cake and lists their top accomplishment of the year. I think it's super cute and would love to do one of my own. But honestly, a lot of my friends aren't the type to do something like that for social media, and neither am I. I'm camera shy, especially when it's not improv. I can't be told what to say and put on a persona for the camera. Which is funny, because I fantasize about being an actress nearly every day. I know I was born to be a star. Just maybe not an actress, but definitely a comedian. I prioritize being orderly and intelligent, however, hence the nature of this post. You'll notice in my older posts that I let the fun side of me take the reins on my writing. To put it simply - my spirit has since been killed. Or, I grew older. But I'm going with the former.


On top of finding out I'm 4'11.5" and not 5'0", let's dive into what else happened in my 2025. The listed events will be out of order, just because I don't remember exactly what happened and when, and some things happened more than once.


In 2025, I:

• Went in and out of a total of 5 jobs. I left my job at the psychiatry office, and yes, *I* left - I was NOT fired. Leading up to my front desk buddy's last day, I felt anxious knowing I'd have to man the desk by myself, and take on extra responsibilities. The management of the clinic wasn't the best (and that's putting it lightly), and that was simply not an environment I wanted to work in. Let's just say AI got more credit than actual employees, and men in power expected women to do everything. I got written up for "insubordination" which to me is just me standing up for myself and the rest of us who didn't have power. I've been like this my whole life. I've always been one to stand up and say something when someone is being mistreated. And in turn, I always received punishment for it. I always wanted to be a difference, to make a difference. But everyone is too afraid to say anything, and that infuriates me.
  I sent my resignation letter on a Thursday, the day right before my coworker's last day, and once I got home, AFTER my shift ENDED at 5pm, I get a message from "HR" asking me to call them. (HR is quoted because it wasn't a real HR in my opinion. The entire practice was a small business consisting completely of members from the Muslim community. And if you know, you know.) Which, number one, can you not call me? Do you need me to do that for you too? I'm not the one dying to talk to you. Anyway, after I placed the call, he told me my letter would be effective immediately. I know that this move was unprofessional on their part, but, whatever. It was the last time they would be a rock in my shoe of life.
  After that, I took a break from working to focus on Ramadan (kind of). I still worked for some side cash in a warehouse for a local community member who runs a home decor business. I worked for her until Eid, and after that I found work in another psychiatry clinic, where the doctor there was simply one of the worst human beings I've met. She was horrible from the start and made me cry on my last week there. But it wasn't my last week because I quit, oh no. I had simply received a text from the manager telling me I would be put on billing duties instead. And I said, okay, not a problem. And from that day on, I never got scheduled again. I had only been there for two weeks. Since then, I remained jobless (and hopeless) all the way until October, where I then got a job at a bakery cafe called Paris Baguette. The manager was nice, at first. Long story short, it wasn't long before true colors became revealed, and I went home one day crying. I sent a message to my supervisor letting her know how everything made me feel, and that no workplace should send me home feeling like this. Since then, actually, the manager has been talking more politely to me, instead of assuming the worst and yelling at me to do something. And that's how it should be. I hate having to put on a persona at a workplace to look nice for customers, only to go and be yelled at in the back and not feel fine. You'd think it'd be the other way around, with rude customers and understanding management. Alas, the coin has been flipped. I now know both sides.
  One of the reasons I had reached out to my supervisor was because I wasn't getting the hours I needed. My manager - well, The Manager (I have disowned her) - went from scheduling me for five days, to four days, to two, to one. And the twist? When I went in for my one day a week, I was still expected to know everything, including things I never get scheduled early enough to learn. Twice during that day I went home crying, The Manager came up to me saying "Huh, you don't know this?" Ma'am, I don't understand. I don't get scheduled enough. Every time I come here, I have to put myself in the zone again. I don't go home and practice making drinks and serving customers at home. (Well, I sorta do, but that's a different story...tl;dr: misogyny.)
  So, with my one day a week, I decided, well, I need another job. I applied to a brand new cafe which I won't name for defamation reasons. (I'm being dramatic - it wasn't all that bad, just lack of communication, which is pretty bad.) I was interviewed, shown around, and asked to come in on a following Monday. I worked a mid shift for five hours, and then was asked to come in again on Wednesday. I worked a morning to mid for five hours on that day and then hit the road for 35 minutes out to another cafe that I applied to as a Plan C, in case Paris Baguette got really bad and I needed to quit - then I'd still have The Unnamed Cafe and Plan C. Wouldn't you know, after four unpaid hours of training at Plan C, I received a message later that day saying they decided to not continue with me. It was because they had an espresso machine I wasn't the most familiar with, and I couldn't bulk-learn all their drinks on the spot. Nevertheless, I was an obstacle that they didn't have the time for, so I can understand their decision. Ultimately, I was upset upon receiving that message, because it was just another crappy ingredient to plop in my rotten egg drop soup. Anyone would feel hopeless in my situation.
  About two weeks of not getting scheduled at The Unnamed Cafe passed by, and finally I went in and asked what was up. I found out that they weren't going to continue with me, and that bothers me, because they led me on for a fortnight, and had I known their decision ahead of time, I would have looked for more backups instead of wasting my time waiting to get scheduled.
• Performed an airport pickup for my first time. In early January last year, I was asked to perform an airport pickup for my neighbors, which I've never done before in my life. It wasn't that hard, and I bought them pizza afterwards.
• Won a big trophy. In the same week, I participated in a karate tournament called tournament of champions, and won a nice big trophy.
• Gained a better understanding of my self-worth - especially at jobs.
• Won a lot of giveaways. I won a free boba, a free tumbler, a free cherry pie from a pizzeria (which I still need to pick up), among others. 
• Sprained my ankle - In karate class we were doing parkour jumps over varying heights, and when I jumped, my foot buckled. I went to urgent care the very next day and was on crutches for a bit. 
• Started PT for my first time - Yep, for the ankle. To me, PT is very much like going to the gym. I thought you would be in a private room with the therapist while they showed you what to do on various equipment.
• Got a new PCP - one of the dreadful responsibilities that comes with adulthood is paying for your own health insurance and actually taking care of your own doctor's appointments. My PCP is great though. She has an Indonesian sister in law. 
• Signed on a bunch of illustration projects - I beg for commissions but am not that great at keeping up with them. On top of that I am at war with my art style and technique. I want to make this year the year I watch tutorials and follow them. I noticed that my current artstyle is very rigid and "perfect," which very much describes my current mental state. Art styles I admire seem to have a more relaxed, no-rules process. Which takes me back to the wasp analogy - I have trouble letting things go because I need everything to be set in stone and perfect. 
• Took a lot of pictures of bugs, dead or alive - I have always been fascinated by bugs and creepy crawlies. I went on many walks during the spring, and my mind was blown upon seeing real live woolly bear caterpillars, among other caterpillars. I love caterpillars. Then there're roaches, which I always try to take pictures of to scare my sister with. 
• Baked lime bars, first time - I've baked lemon bars before, back in my day. But lime bars were new to me, and I loved the concept. The bars came out a little too sour, which came from too much zest. 
• Met my brand new adorbs nephew - My newest nephew came out a month early in late January and is the cutest human ever. 
• Said hello, goodbye, and longtime no see to some friends - I ended a friendship that was unhealthy and toxic for me, personally. I know I didn't leave in the best way, but they were all people with personalities I didn't want to be friends with. One was loud, rambunctious, publicly embarrassing without fail, vulgar, and tried too hard to prove herself. I know that due to her home environment and upbringing, these factors all make sense. She's angry from living in an angry household and never feels heard. I hear that and I know how it feels. But that's just not something and someone I want to be friends with. She was younger, and a lot of young people love to act like they're adults the moment they turn 18, just because of our government's stupid rules. I personally think people should not become legal adults until they hit prefrontal cortex development. To name a few of the things she did - used and took items from a child's goodie bag, woke my 3yo nephew from his much needed nap so that I could go play volleyball with the others, cussed out loud, and went on a tirade in the group chat - I had to end it with her. And that meant ending it with the others too. The other two, my neighbors, also lived in a home of anger, and were in dire need of friends. Being awfully shy and socially inept, making friends wasn't exactly something they were capable of. And after all my experiences with friendships, playing all types of roles, I was through being a hero for shy people. Sure, it's cute when you're about seven. But not when you're a full teenager or young adult and not speaking or going out to try and meet people just because you're shy. These two would make me go talk to people for them. I was okay with it, to begin with, but I could only take so much. Because no, I will not be talking for you every single time. I need to see growth, for you to eventually talk for yourself. You cannot be shy forever. It doesn't get you anywhere. And you cannot make friends by expecting an outgoing person to come to you and try and get to know you and then stick to them just because they heard you out. That's just a personal irk for me - I am impressed by people who show assertiveness and confidence, not a lack of desire to grow. Besides that, they had a lot of interests that I could not understand, and we differed on a lot of opinions regarding media. I did not like Shrek because of all the vulgar humor and references, and I'd never let any child of impressionable age to watch that. But they liked it and thought it was funny. Or in Sinbad - I didn't like how Sinbad was so disrespectful to the female lead (I forgot her name) in the beginning, only to reveal later that he liked her and they got together or whatever. I didn't find that funny. That was rude and disrespectful. Perhaps I take things too seriously, but if someone likes those types of things, then they have a mindset that I don't meld with.
  The older sister (of my neighbors) reminded me a lot of me, in that she would talk about private matters that should be "kept in the home" - because yes, you absolutely should let someone know if you are being mistreated, no matter by whom or where you are. The younger one irked me by constantly shutting it down and not wanting to talk about it. And that stems from my strong sense of justice. I just can't understand how people can see mistreatment and not try to seek help. And it's not like I haven't been to the point of thinking I deserve mistreatment - I have been there, but I've always known that's not a way to treat someone, and it should be stopped. If you never say anything, it's just going to keep happening. The older sister took after one of her parents in that she was controlling of me and also spoke for me in certain situations, which I didn't prefer. She wasn't controlling in a bad way, but to name a few examples, she would grab onto me a lot (because she was comfortable with me, but I didn't see her like that), make her text send through even when I had DND on, and use my devices without my permission. She had said that she wanted to be friends with me because she thought I was cool. Compliment taken, but just because you think someone is cool doesn't mean they think the same about you.
  She also told her sister and family everything I told her, which I wasn't comfortable with. Like, great, now these scary parents know I quit my job and don't have an income. 
  She also thought she knew everything, like most young adults do, and I know I sound like a high and mighty elder-zilla when I say this, but I'm sorry honey, she was being disrespectful. There were many things I knew about and knew how to do, and she always treated me like it was my first time doing everything. I know that it comes from a place of being treated like she doesn't know anything, but I couldn't take it.
  Intelligence is one of the traits I prioritize and value in a friendship, and these sisters didn't strike me as the most intelligent. It's one thing to not be smart, but it's another thing to not care about not knowing anything. At this point everyone born in America who still doesn't know the difference between your and you're is a public embarrassment. That wasn't the case with them necessarily, but I got the vibe. 
  I wish I had said less than I did. Ultimately, the friendship had died on my side a long time ago, and it came out at the worst time. But I also no longer feel a need for more friends or additional deep connections in my life anymore. I'm happy where I am with whom I have. 
  Aside from that fiasco, I was able to meet with friends I hadn't seen in a long time. One of them was present for my brown belt test and also hung out with me for my birthday. 
• I got angry—a lot. Injustice does that to me. And it's everywhere. 
• Entered ArtFight, first time - Heard about ArtFight from the older sister neighbor. Will for sure be participating again this year. 
• I drove—a LOT. I drove that band of young'uns everywhere, and overstepped my boundaries in doing so, for the sake of being a good person. Because if I have the resources, who am I to withhold a necessity from someone? When I had that second psychiatry job, I also had to drive a lot, as the offices were half an hour away from my home. This year was also a huge year for car troubles and repairs, which will probably be one of the reasons behind my first gray hairs when I get them. I still don't know what an intake manifold gasket and PCV tube do, but knowing about their existence is a start. 
• Won a bowling match against the young'un friend group by 30 points at 60.
• Gave away a lot in the name of Allah - I gave away a lot of what I didn't have, trusting that Allah would give me something better. I have not seen the results yet, but perhaps they have come to me in ways I wouldn't understand, and may never understand. 
• Gave flowers and received flowers - I bought one of my friends some nice roses, and she really needed it at the time. And then another sweet friend of mine gave me some flowers to celebrate fall. 
• Really upped my game as a cool aunt - I don't know how, but I feel like I did a lot for the kids this year. Putting baby to sleep, staying over to care for the kids when baby was brand new, driving them around, etc. Next step is to get rich so I can get them whatever they need. 
• Designed a couple of logos.
• Bought donuts at 4am for suhoor - This was during Ramadan's last ten nights. I bought donuts for me and the young'uns to eat for our pre-dawn meal. For obvious reasons, I wanted to go grab them alone. 
• Got all 4 sides of my hands henna tattooed. 
• Decorated a cake. Two actually. Loud Girl's birthday cake, and a random cake for when we had guests. 
• Took a lot of walks with loved ones.
• Mastered the Art of liking how I look in any hijab style (truly).
• Went to the Dallas Aquarium for my first time and saw Napoleon fish - I cannot express how awesome the aquarium was. There were so many creatures I recognized from playing animal crossing, watching river monsters, and simply being an animal nerd. It's such an experience seeing all these animals in person, at their real sizes. I went with one of my beloved mom-friends, who was so kind to devote her morning to me for my birthday. And of course, I loved the frogs, but there weren't enough. I needed MORE. 
• Attended a few weddings - Weddings are a tough event for me to attend because I don't understand what's happy about them. And most times at weddings with a lot of guests I don't get a chance to talk with the person who invited me, so to me, going is pointless. I'm trying to be better at understanding them.
• Placed in a tennis tournament - I placed as runner up in intermediate. 
• Cooked a lot of food, like a tuna sandwich and Mac'n cheese. - Alright I know these don't really count as cooking. But I really did make a lot of food. 
• Gained 20 lbs! - I had been 99-100lbs for the longest time. I had an aversion to food and eating. I just didn't like it, chewing felt like work, and I sometimes had icks with a lot of foods. But then my doctor put me on an anxiety med that made me want to eat more. 
• Fed turtles and saved a turtle - I fed turtles at a nearby canal, and saved a turtle that had strayed far from the water. 
• Ate a lot of pho. Delicious. Always my comfort meal. 
• Saw a bright pink Cybertruck. That's what I want my future car to look like. (Not the Cybertruck part.)
• Became a little more confident and loud at karate and my cafe job. I used to hate connecting with customers when I worked at Starbucks, but now it's nothing to me, and it actually comes naturally this time. 
• Saw a lot of frogs, be them real or fake. I adopted a beanie baby frog named Snapper. I also saw some cute frogs at Build-A-Bear. 
• Got my hair dyed (not that you can tell). Haw-haw. 
• Went to the theme park and realized I’m too [physically] old for rollercoasters. Oh God, I still felt the up and down sensation after I got home. Don't know if I can do that again. 
• Cut my finger while washing a knife the wrong way. It happened to happen during the time the rest of the family was on vacation and I was home alone. I may have overreacted but I came out fine.
• Watched kpop demon hunters and fell in love with Mira [respectfully]. What's with me liking all the tough, cool characters? I also love Luisa from Encanto. 
• Became a brown belt - The test was one of the most amazing things I felt I had done. The prep was tough, but the test felt like an exhilarating breeze. Props to my hardworking instructors. 
• Went to build a bear twice for the niece and nephew - Apparently you can get a free bear for your birthday at the cost of how many years you're turning. I accompanied both my niece and nephew for this pivotal moment in their lives. 
• Got lucky with claw machines for my birthday - As you know, my birthday was amazing. I went to a claw machine arcade with a friend later that day and actually won some prizes. الحمد لله 
• Won another tournament by being the only one in my division. Well, that's awkward. 
• Designed a lot of flyers - mostly for my karate school. 
• Redesigned my room. May Allah reward and improve the lives and faith of those people who helped me. I wanted to go for a cute woodsy cottagecore theme. I stopped investing in my room for a bit when I had to quit my job and didn't have the money anymore. 
• Got hit on by too many guys - Oh boy do I have stories. Last year in June I had a guy confess to me and I unfortunately had to reject him. 
• Cashed a lot of cheques - Please just set up direct deposit I'm begging. 
• Raised a monarch caterpillar (which still hasn’t emerged) - Upon research I've decided that it's probably dead. I'll give it a week or two more but after that I'm gonna have to let it go. Maybe I can focus on raising some spring caterpillars. 
• Watched UP under the stars - My local masjid did a movie night under the stars. I went with my niece. 
• Made plans with my mom friends for Thanksgiving and Christmas :D - So I befriended two moms from karate class whom I love to chat with. Luckily for me their husbands worked on Thanksgiving and Christmas so I spent my holidays with them. 
• Watched Zootopia 2 and Moana 2 - I loved the introduction of reptiles in Zootopia 2, as well as the inclusion of a basilisk lizard named Jesus. The significance behind his name is that basilisk lizards can run on water. I didn't love how there weren't any amphibians in the movie, but perhaps they'll do that in Zootopia 4. As for Moana 2...what did I just watch? It was so anticlimactic. And Moana's relationship with her sister is unrealistic. Nobody calls their siblings by "bro" or "sis" in real life. 
• Drew on a cast for my first time - A long-time friend hit me up and asked me to draw on her son's cast. It was my first time drawing on a cast, and the kid loved it. 
• Got back into latte art - Still not great at it. But getting there. 
• Began eating avocado toast for them good fats - Learned how to make it at The Unnamed Cafe and got hooked from there. 
• Asked my doctor for a bunch of referrals.
• Put my baby nephew to sleep countless times. It's so tough but so rewarding.
• Ate a pandan mochi donut and healed my inner Malay - I love when I find out that places have a pandan flavor. Bonus points if the product actually tastes like pandan. 
• Became good at Dutch braids - thanks to my niece. 
• Did a lot of brave things that I won’t list - Not everything is for the internet. And some things aren't ready to be told about yet. 
  
  

What a year it's been, huh? I added a few little things to that list because the little things matter. Now, onto bigger things for this year, إن شاء الله. I'll try to post more often this year as well. 

Until next time! :)