You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray...
I don't actually know this song. But it's a cute one.
I like to think I'm a ray of happy annoying optimistic sunshine for other people. But I realize that the same treatment is never reciprocated. Perhaps part of my hidden yet ongoing depression is due to lack of that reciprocation. I don't have a ray of sunshine in my life. I am my own ray. But when I'm down, that's it. All of me goes down.
I also like to think I'm a strong independent woman who can do everything by herself with no help. So I don't like to accept any emotional or physical help unless I really need it. And once I accept it, I realize how much I really do need it. Before Ramadan this year, I visited a therapist with my mom and my sister, and I broke down crying in front of the therapist and my mom and my sister, as much as I didn't want to. I never usually display my emotions in front of anyone, not even my own family. I don't like to. It's awkward. I mean, we're a family, but I don't feel close enough to them for them to see my emotional side. There's just so much baggage and so many things inside me that I've never let out, that when someone hits the spot, I can't control myself.
Anyway, that happened.
It wasn't until June 25 this year that I found someone whom I love to dub "Sunshine." It was Eid day, and I was just being a good Samaritan, sending happy festive snaps to all my Snapchat friends saying Eid Mubarak. It's a thing I do. I like to take a photo, write a cute happy message, and then send it to all my contacts, just as something that I hope will make their day. It's just part of my optimistic movement.
Anyway, a lot of people replied or left me on open (RIP lol), and this one guy who I didn't expect to reply, replied to me. I don't know why he did because most of the guys I know are quiet, antisocial cows who think I'm a short psycho. At least from where I'm standing loool. But this guy was all nice and said Eid Mubarak to me too, and I didn't really wanna leave him on open because that's rude lol. I don't know why I didn't feel awkward; it just clicked. I mean, I'm always chill with guys because they're human beings too and girls can be turds. But I really didn't feel uncomfortable at all with this one.
He has a name but I like to call him Sunshine. He's just so positive and happy and it seems like nothing ever fazes him (except a wisdom tooth surgery lol). It's amazing because he told me he was once depressed, and now, if you just met him, you'd never have assumed such a thing. I relate to him a lot because we're both middle children (definition: forgotten) and super different from both child #1 and #3. I mean, not only does he look nothing like his brother and sister, his personality is on a whole new level as well. He's super social and super smiley and definitely funny. I mean, does that remind you of anyone? *cough* yours truly *cough*
Optimism is something I really admire about anyone. Optimism and positivity are two things I'm super passionate about, and when I see other people living that kind of lifestyle, I can't help but admire them. And this is what I see and admire in Sunshine.
Of course, Sunshine isn't really perfect. He annoys me too, like a LOT. Mostly when he comments on my height or makes himself feel older than I am. (He's about two years younger than me.) He calls me a hooligan, which I'm not sure I should take as a compliment or an insult. He always says it with a huge smile on his face, which could mean a lot of things.
He and his family helped me out for most of July with my geometry. I'm incredibly indebted to them for that. I really did learn a lot. I really need to pay them back somehow.
Most of our conversations consist of insults. Sunshine is always asking me "why" to which I sometimes just can't answer. He calls me a midget. And I guess I am, because he's almost as tall as I am when I extend my arm straight upwards. What can a Malaysian girl say?
And he's always dissing my art major. He doesn't mean it of course, because he would never be rude to someone on purpose (or would he?). I can never win an argument with him. Well, I never win arguments with anyone, actually. Lol, I don't win anything, period. Except Honorable Mentions for my art.
When Sunshine isn't being annoying, he's either really sweet or really grumpy. (Yes, Sunshine, you do tend to be grumpy. Shh.) But as you can tell, I only pay attention to the sweet part, because otherwise I'd be calling him Cloudy or Rain.
He likes to drink green tea and milk, and thinks coffee is gross. (GASP) He has a hilarious fashion sense and thinks black Nike sandals with white Nike socks is good fashion sense. First of all, NO ONE WEARS SOCKS WITH SANDALS, WTH SUNSHINE? He also likes to play basketball, and is a very outdoorsy person (or so he says). He's a black belt in taekwondo. He doesn't like cats, or animals in general, and has an allergy to peanuts. He's crazy good in math and all the subjects I dislike. He wants to become a paramedic. He's just a very interesting person (but aren't we all?).
No, I don't like him. He's just a little brother figure to me. And no, I don't depend on him all the time for a positive uplift because he has a life and he's a human too with feelings just like my own. He's just a really great friend, and anyone who becomes his friend is super lucky. You can roast him all you want. But he'll leave you on read if he's grumpy lol.
I never really write posts about people, mostly because I'm afraid of their reaction to what I think of them. So congratulations, Sunshine, you're the first. Keep being yourself. I didn't give you this nickname for nothing. When you're my age, you'll understand.
Until next time! :)
I don't actually know this song. But it's a cute one.
I like to think I'm a ray of happy annoying optimistic sunshine for other people. But I realize that the same treatment is never reciprocated. Perhaps part of my hidden yet ongoing depression is due to lack of that reciprocation. I don't have a ray of sunshine in my life. I am my own ray. But when I'm down, that's it. All of me goes down.
I also like to think I'm a strong independent woman who can do everything by herself with no help. So I don't like to accept any emotional or physical help unless I really need it. And once I accept it, I realize how much I really do need it. Before Ramadan this year, I visited a therapist with my mom and my sister, and I broke down crying in front of the therapist and my mom and my sister, as much as I didn't want to. I never usually display my emotions in front of anyone, not even my own family. I don't like to. It's awkward. I mean, we're a family, but I don't feel close enough to them for them to see my emotional side. There's just so much baggage and so many things inside me that I've never let out, that when someone hits the spot, I can't control myself.
Anyway, that happened.
It wasn't until June 25 this year that I found someone whom I love to dub "Sunshine." It was Eid day, and I was just being a good Samaritan, sending happy festive snaps to all my Snapchat friends saying Eid Mubarak. It's a thing I do. I like to take a photo, write a cute happy message, and then send it to all my contacts, just as something that I hope will make their day. It's just part of my optimistic movement.
Anyway, a lot of people replied or left me on open (RIP lol), and this one guy who I didn't expect to reply, replied to me. I don't know why he did because most of the guys I know are quiet, antisocial cows who think I'm a short psycho. At least from where I'm standing loool. But this guy was all nice and said Eid Mubarak to me too, and I didn't really wanna leave him on open because that's rude lol. I don't know why I didn't feel awkward; it just clicked. I mean, I'm always chill with guys because they're human beings too and girls can be turds. But I really didn't feel uncomfortable at all with this one.
He has a name but I like to call him Sunshine. He's just so positive and happy and it seems like nothing ever fazes him (except a wisdom tooth surgery lol). It's amazing because he told me he was once depressed, and now, if you just met him, you'd never have assumed such a thing. I relate to him a lot because we're both middle children (definition: forgotten) and super different from both child #1 and #3. I mean, not only does he look nothing like his brother and sister, his personality is on a whole new level as well. He's super social and super smiley and definitely funny. I mean, does that remind you of anyone? *cough* yours truly *cough*
Optimism is something I really admire about anyone. Optimism and positivity are two things I'm super passionate about, and when I see other people living that kind of lifestyle, I can't help but admire them. And this is what I see and admire in Sunshine.
Of course, Sunshine isn't really perfect. He annoys me too, like a LOT. Mostly when he comments on my height or makes himself feel older than I am. (He's about two years younger than me.) He calls me a hooligan, which I'm not sure I should take as a compliment or an insult. He always says it with a huge smile on his face, which could mean a lot of things.
He and his family helped me out for most of July with my geometry. I'm incredibly indebted to them for that. I really did learn a lot. I really need to pay them back somehow.
Most of our conversations consist of insults. Sunshine is always asking me "why" to which I sometimes just can't answer. He calls me a midget. And I guess I am, because he's almost as tall as I am when I extend my arm straight upwards. What can a Malaysian girl say?
And he's always dissing my art major. He doesn't mean it of course, because he would never be rude to someone on purpose (or would he?). I can never win an argument with him. Well, I never win arguments with anyone, actually. Lol, I don't win anything, period. Except Honorable Mentions for my art.
When Sunshine isn't being annoying, he's either really sweet or really grumpy. (Yes, Sunshine, you do tend to be grumpy. Shh.) But as you can tell, I only pay attention to the sweet part, because otherwise I'd be calling him Cloudy or Rain.
He likes to drink green tea and milk, and thinks coffee is gross. (GASP) He has a hilarious fashion sense and thinks black Nike sandals with white Nike socks is good fashion sense. First of all, NO ONE WEARS SOCKS WITH SANDALS, WTH SUNSHINE? He also likes to play basketball, and is a very outdoorsy person (or so he says). He's a black belt in taekwondo. He doesn't like cats, or animals in general, and has an allergy to peanuts. He's crazy good in math and all the subjects I dislike. He wants to become a paramedic. He's just a very interesting person (but aren't we all?).
No, I don't like him. He's just a little brother figure to me. And no, I don't depend on him all the time for a positive uplift because he has a life and he's a human too with feelings just like my own. He's just a really great friend, and anyone who becomes his friend is super lucky. You can roast him all you want. But he'll leave you on read if he's grumpy lol.
I never really write posts about people, mostly because I'm afraid of their reaction to what I think of them. So congratulations, Sunshine, you're the first. Keep being yourself. I didn't give you this nickname for nothing. When you're my age, you'll understand.
Until next time! :)
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