Mirth and Melancholy

If you happen to be fluent in music culture, you might notice that most of my post titles are song lyrics. Not to say I'm fluent in music culture however, and it has actually been a while since I listened to this post's title origin song in particular. Additionally, scrolling on social media can reignite memories of songs into your brain.  Enjoyment - what a concept. One I can't be sure I've experienced. Oh, sure, I've enjoyed a number of things - food, experiences, comfort, to name a few. However, I can't say I truly felt enjoyment.  It's been a while since I've made an intermission like this, but before I continue, I'm going to go ahead and take my medications and prepare myself for bed before I continue writing.  Life has beaten me down in many ways, leaving me to feel hopeless for my future. I get frustrated with God sometimes, wondering why I get tested over the little things when I'm already getting tested over big things. I don't know ...

It has been years since my last post. And no, I'm not making that remark in jest to acknowledge the new year. Accurately speaking, I last posted a year and three months ago - on my 26th birthday. Ever since I made the life-changing move to my current location, every year has blinked by like a montage - not to mention, trauma affects one's memory. It just won't leave me alone. It's persistent, like an angry wasp enclosed within a cup. Even though I'm safe from the wasp when it's in that cup, I'm still responsible for holding onto it to make sure it doesn't escape. But it needs to get out in order for me to be free. Yes - the angry, loud, violent, dangerous wasp needs to get away - not stay trapped. Now you may be saying, "Well, it's not that easy!" and you'd be right - it isn't - which is why I meticulously described the wasp with adjectives. My freedom costs the release of a volatile creature which will, no doubt, dart at me, buzz ...

Upon looking at last year's post, I realized that I had written about 25 things I learned that year, instead of 25 things I learned before turning 25. I digress and choose to write about 26 things I learned before turning 26. What a year it has been.  26 Things I Learned Before Turning 26 Some friends will care about your life until you care about other human lives. Stop being so uptight and let loose a little.  Anxiety can hold you back from a lot of things. Having a niece and nephew made me a better person when it came to working with children.  No, nobody is mad at me or hates me. If they are mad at me, we can sort it out. If they hate me, there's not much I can do. Turkish people are a mix of Europeans and Asians. I thought they were Arab. Men, at least in my family, are the biggest reasons behind generational trauma. Bears would never.  If the management of a place is horrible, the entire place is horrible.  Keeping someone hired but not scheduling them is ...

I'm a hilarious writer. Or, I used to be.  The looming rise of capitalism threatens and forces me to look for a sustainable means of living, and it doesn't make the search easy. I'm fully aware the government wants to cleanse the population of people who can't make it for themselves. The only numbers they care about pertain to the green dough. Anyone who can't contribute green dough will most likely be found in the streets of downtown Dallas, forbidden from public restrooms unless they can exchange a few bucks for a cruddy burger. It isn't right. But it's not new. It's just one of the fish in our big fry skillet.  As such, I've found myself in and out of undesirable working positions. Having a job is something to be grateful for, for sure. But not when your well-being as a human isn't taken good care of. Perhaps some of you are aware I used to work at a now-boycotted establishment and switched to a non-boycotted one, although for different reason...

I've seen posts online that tell you to simply keep some things to yourself.  And they speak to me.  Perhaps even yell at me.  They back me into a corner, seize me by the collar, and spit the words so close to my face I can smell their truth-bomb breath.  It is rancid. Tough to stomach.  Yet, I am unfazed.  I gently push them out of the way and face my audience again. Blissfully ignoring my nagging regret from the future, I step onto my podium, and, with great detail, delve into the dark alleyways of my corrupt mind.  I am a God-fearing person. At least, I aspire to be. As of late, I find it difficult to trust in God's plan and believe He is giving me only what is best for me.  I know. What do I know? God's wisdom is far beyond my comprehension. Not only my comprehension but comprehension of every single human God has created. Our brains can't understand how God is aware of the lives of every single individual out there, from the words they speak...

I see no reason to bother with an introduction. For the viewers' experience, I can understand why it might be necessary, but this is simply a blog, not a novel of any sort. Although, I do aspire to write novels for a living, which is why I'm here, funnily enough. I've been needing to come back to this blog for several reasons, mostly to exercise my writing muscles. I haven't been writing my actual book, and according to ChatGPT, one of the reasons for writer's block is perfectionism, which is definitely something getting in the way of my writing.  I do use ChatGPT. It's a very helpful tool for asking specific questions that Google would deem a challenge. Although perhaps the answer is there, deeper into the search, but users won't typically look for their answers past the first few links. Of Google, according to recent news, everyone needs to collectively boycott Google for its recently fired employees. Look it up if you haven't heard about it. Don't...