Returning...?
I think it's about time I return to reassure you that I am in fact still here, planning to keep up this blog, and I am not virtually dead. Abandoning this blog (by accident, mind you) has not been beneficial for me, especially as a writer. In all art classes, or classes where the goal of the course is to create things, teachers always tell you to practice what you do every day. If you're a photographer, shoot photos every day. If you draw, draw everyday. If you write, write every day. And et cetera. Keep up the practice and hone that skill. It doesn't matter how much of the thing you do every day, as long as you do it. In doing so, you're training your mind and body to familiarize with your actions, and turn them into habits and hobbies. You are training yourself to be thirsty for such activities.
In the long break I took from actively writing, be it blog posts or novels, my thirst for creativity weakened. The mere thought of sitting down to write a story, for lack of a better word, didn't stress me out, rather it tired me out. It's a feeling similar to when you're watching Netflix and then you remember you have homework to do, and then you start watching Netflix stressfully. (Using an internet post example due to lack of creativity.) Reread that. I compared my hobby of writing to homework. My break from writing caused my mind and body to pick up the hobby of writing and dump it into the part of my brain labeled "work." "Responsibilities." "Things I don't want to do." And that isn't right. Writing is my hobby, my love, my skill, my key to success. But taking a break from it gave my laziness a chance to leap up and take my hobby under its wing.
But I've been away long enough. I'm grateful that I feel guilt for not writing in a long time. It shows that I haven't completely abandoned my hobby. Just like when you feel bad about committing sins upon sins, and later feeling guilty about doing so, it shows that you are still a good person inside with the potential to become better. One of the things that kept reminding me that I had to write was the book I wrote with my friend Nur 2 years ago. It still isn't published and we're still in the process of getting that done. If it hadn't been for that unpublished book, I don't know what else would have pushed me to not give up writing. I still have the hunger in me to get my writing out there and published.
Upon the beginning of this fall semester, I had to put my karate classes on pause because my college course times clashed with my karate class times. Since, I've asked for the class agendas so I could follow it at home and not lose consistency of exercising two times a week. I didn't want to lose that drive. I didn't want my body to lose familiarity with the regular activity. I was pretty good about keeping it up for a few weeks, but at one point I just stopped. I don't know what it was. I can only chock it up to laziness. I still have those 5lb dumbbells on my room floor reminding me to be guilty. Last week I started taking a yoga class with my mom to keep myself active while karate is on pause. It's fun and easy. But a voice in my mind nags at me, telling me it isn't enough to make up for all the fitness and karate classes I've missed. And yes, it isn't. I don't know when I'm going to pick up those dumbbells and sift through the screenshots I've saved of the weekly fitness agendas. I don't know when I'll feel that drive to pull on my workout clothes and follow those agendas. But that's just it. I'm waiting for myself to be in the mood. That isn't going to work. I can't just be in the mood for a workout. I just have to go for it. I know there are some people out there looking for easy ways to do something they don't like. I'm one of those people. I'm sorry to tell you, but for some things there just isn't an easy way out. You just have to leave your excuses behind and start the marathon.
I can't tell myself I'll do it 'someday.' It hardly ever works. I have to write it down as something I need to do. It won't get done any other way.
I'm sorry I ever left you, writing. I've missed you. And I love you. And I'm back. I never meant to leave you. You are the most important part of my life. You are my life. I want you to stay, always. If you ever feel like I'm leaving you again, please call for me to come back. And I'll try my best to.
Until next time! :)
In the long break I took from actively writing, be it blog posts or novels, my thirst for creativity weakened. The mere thought of sitting down to write a story, for lack of a better word, didn't stress me out, rather it tired me out. It's a feeling similar to when you're watching Netflix and then you remember you have homework to do, and then you start watching Netflix stressfully. (Using an internet post example due to lack of creativity.) Reread that. I compared my hobby of writing to homework. My break from writing caused my mind and body to pick up the hobby of writing and dump it into the part of my brain labeled "work." "Responsibilities." "Things I don't want to do." And that isn't right. Writing is my hobby, my love, my skill, my key to success. But taking a break from it gave my laziness a chance to leap up and take my hobby under its wing.
But I've been away long enough. I'm grateful that I feel guilt for not writing in a long time. It shows that I haven't completely abandoned my hobby. Just like when you feel bad about committing sins upon sins, and later feeling guilty about doing so, it shows that you are still a good person inside with the potential to become better. One of the things that kept reminding me that I had to write was the book I wrote with my friend Nur 2 years ago. It still isn't published and we're still in the process of getting that done. If it hadn't been for that unpublished book, I don't know what else would have pushed me to not give up writing. I still have the hunger in me to get my writing out there and published.
Upon the beginning of this fall semester, I had to put my karate classes on pause because my college course times clashed with my karate class times. Since, I've asked for the class agendas so I could follow it at home and not lose consistency of exercising two times a week. I didn't want to lose that drive. I didn't want my body to lose familiarity with the regular activity. I was pretty good about keeping it up for a few weeks, but at one point I just stopped. I don't know what it was. I can only chock it up to laziness. I still have those 5lb dumbbells on my room floor reminding me to be guilty. Last week I started taking a yoga class with my mom to keep myself active while karate is on pause. It's fun and easy. But a voice in my mind nags at me, telling me it isn't enough to make up for all the fitness and karate classes I've missed. And yes, it isn't. I don't know when I'm going to pick up those dumbbells and sift through the screenshots I've saved of the weekly fitness agendas. I don't know when I'll feel that drive to pull on my workout clothes and follow those agendas. But that's just it. I'm waiting for myself to be in the mood. That isn't going to work. I can't just be in the mood for a workout. I just have to go for it. I know there are some people out there looking for easy ways to do something they don't like. I'm one of those people. I'm sorry to tell you, but for some things there just isn't an easy way out. You just have to leave your excuses behind and start the marathon.
I can't tell myself I'll do it 'someday.' It hardly ever works. I have to write it down as something I need to do. It won't get done any other way.
I'm sorry I ever left you, writing. I've missed you. And I love you. And I'm back. I never meant to leave you. You are the most important part of my life. You are my life. I want you to stay, always. If you ever feel like I'm leaving you again, please call for me to come back. And I'll try my best to.
Until next time! :)
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