When Did It End? All The Enjoyment?

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If you happen to be fluent in music culture, you might notice that most of my post titles are song lyrics. Not to say I'm fluent in music culture however, and it has actually been a while since I listened to this post's title origin song in particular. Additionally, scrolling on social media can reignite memories of songs into your brain. 

Enjoyment - what a concept. One I can't be sure I've experienced. Oh, sure, I've enjoyed a number of things - food, experiences, comfort, to name a few. However, I can't say I truly felt enjoyment. 

It's been a while since I've made an intermission like this, but before I continue, I'm going to go ahead and take my medications and prepare myself for bed before I continue writing. 

Life has beaten me down in many ways, leaving me to feel hopeless for my future. I get frustrated with God sometimes, wondering why I get tested over the little things when I'm already getting tested over big things. I don't know why He thinks I can handle all that He throws at me. It's hard to have a good opinion of Him when at the same time, He is "how I think of Him." May Allah strengthen my relationship with Him. Ameen. I find it so easy to blame God for bad things that happen, because yeah, nothing is possible without Him. I am not saying I agree with people who deny there is a God because He "lets bad things happen," but I understand where they're coming from when they say that. Everything happens for a reason, and we won't always know what the reason is. And contrary to popular belief, there is always a silver lining. It won't always be derived from the current situation at hand. Sometimes it can be as simple as "I'm glad that someone I love is safe" while you yourself are undergoing a health issue, let's say. 

I hope to experience joy sometime again. This time, I want to really feel it. Let it flow through my veins. For once, I'd like to not be numb.

Until next time! :)

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