Is This the First Post of 2019?
I dunno, I'm so out of it. I haven't posted consistently on here in AGES. Looking back at my old posts and seeing how in-depth they are and how much life I put into them really makes me miss my past self. I was full of life back then. I might still be now. I want to be. But I don't feel like I can be. Not anymore.
October 2018 to January 2019 have been emotionally heavy and difficult for me. The reason behind isn't something I can just tell the whole world. Only a couple of close friends really know how much pain I endured. Just for context, I was feeling extremely negative, pessimistic, and low on self-esteem, and I wanted to end my pain by leaving this world. And it wasn't that anybody was directly targeting me. It was just that someone was put into the spotlight, and their given relationship to me is what made me feel so isolated and alone.
Thankfully, God blessed me with the friendship of people with such wonderful levels of understanding and tolerance. I don't know if I would still be here on Earth, typing up this post, if it hadn't been for them.
I could have still stayed even if it hadn't been for them, though. A lesson one of my friends taught me was that everything I do in my life is a choice. If I had left this world, it would have been my choice to succumb to my negativity and take my life.
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Anyway, shall we talk about life? It's already the middle of March and I'm currently on spring break. So far, the semester and my teachers have been kind to me. I've been (inconsistently) working on my driver's course (really boring). I'm excited for graduation but worried about finding a job that will support me enough.
The household I live in gets more unbearable by the day and I want to leave more than anything.
And, I don't know. I don't feel great right now. I think it's best that I leave this post on that note.
October 2018 to January 2019 have been emotionally heavy and difficult for me. The reason behind isn't something I can just tell the whole world. Only a couple of close friends really know how much pain I endured. Just for context, I was feeling extremely negative, pessimistic, and low on self-esteem, and I wanted to end my pain by leaving this world. And it wasn't that anybody was directly targeting me. It was just that someone was put into the spotlight, and their given relationship to me is what made me feel so isolated and alone.
Thankfully, God blessed me with the friendship of people with such wonderful levels of understanding and tolerance. I don't know if I would still be here on Earth, typing up this post, if it hadn't been for them.
I could have still stayed even if it hadn't been for them, though. A lesson one of my friends taught me was that everything I do in my life is a choice. If I had left this world, it would have been my choice to succumb to my negativity and take my life.
-
Anyway, shall we talk about life? It's already the middle of March and I'm currently on spring break. So far, the semester and my teachers have been kind to me. I've been (inconsistently) working on my driver's course (really boring). I'm excited for graduation but worried about finding a job that will support me enough.
The household I live in gets more unbearable by the day and I want to leave more than anything.
And, I don't know. I don't feel great right now. I think it's best that I leave this post on that note.
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