Mirth and Melancholy

I doubt I'm going to fulfill the goal of publishing one post a day this year, but I'm going to try.  It's 2024, and people still aren't giving a damn about Gaza as if it isn't experiencing THE most documented g/side ever recorded in history. How do you look at the pictures and videos of things that shouldn't be happening, happen, and proceed to prioritize posting about celebrities and yourself? Anyway, this is my first post of the year, and I want to record what happens in my day to look back at later.  I woke up at 9am and didn't get up until 11am, when I attempted to make a tuna melt and I may or may not have burnt the bread but the sandwich still tasted good. I'm not feeling physically well for feminine reasons, so I spent most of today in bed resting. I did want to post something on the first day of the year, and I got an idea from watching one of Bisan's newest videos: one of her playing with a kitten. So I drew a picture of her playing with the...

I briefly considered breaking down the events of each month this year, but with the help of the fully developed prefrontal cortex I received for my 25th birthday, I've decided to post a list of 25 things I've learned this year. I have no prior experience of writing such a list for my previous birthdays, but enjoyed reading lists from others.  Any reader familiar with my blogging, or me in general, knows I tend to go on tangents to elaborate on particular segments to provide context for full comprehension and understanding. How else can I paint the picture to show what it's truly like to be me? There are three reasons I'm not in therapy, and this is one of them.  While this is supposed to be a list, I'm fully prepared for it to turn into an essay outline with 25 paragraphs.  25 things I learned in 2023 1. Winged liquid eyeliner is not a look for me.  2. Despite the state of my room, I'm quite the perfectionist. 3. No matter rain, shine, or snow, people will STILL...

Good thing I said "who knows" because I didn't come back since my last post. We are now a week into 2022. Nothing interesting has happened so far, except for right now I am a little congested. The temperature dropped from 80s to 40s-30s, so my hands are a little too cold to write. I haven't opened my laptop since... wait. WAIT FOR IT. S... S... ...SINCE LAST YEAR!!! HAHAHAHA. So I opened it today with the intentions of working on writing, which I haven't done in a while, and lately I am very inspired to get my projects out there. I just don't have the means or motivation for some of them. I'm taking a break from drawing right now, but I still need to do something creative, so writing is the only other thing I prefer to do. Unfortunately I also need to draw and write for my "jobs"; one of which is an illustration job with someone who has just way too many requirements and is irritatingly nitpicky. I need to finish everything for that job by the en...

*crawls out from beneath massive, boulder-sized, extremely hefty emotional baggage* Well hello. It's been nearly two years. Wait. *counts* Yeah. Considered never posting here again for a number of reasons. I posted some... personal   dank  stupid stuff on this blog that I'm not totally comfortable with the entire world knowing... but hey. That's why there's a delete button.  See, the way I see it, I wouldn't be too embarrassed about what I was like in the past, because what matters is how I am now. I'm on fleek now. I'm not nearly as  stupid now. Yeah, in pictures from 10 years ago I wore glasses and had no fashion sense and had chubby cheeks and was ugly and petty and immature but that's all in the past. What matters now is that I'm not like that anymore  a changed man. I'm trans. I've learned a lot of things. I've learned makeup and fashion. Oh yeah and I guess I learned about being a good person and not being childish but pfpthfhffhpth...

For about 9 days before New Year's Eve 2019, I embarked on a family vacation a little more than a couple of states away from my home state. The bright side of the trip was that I got to see my friend after 4 years since our last meeting, and 5 years since we met. Otherwise, I'd rather have stayed alone at the house the entire time. Only because the primary focus of the trip was to go hiking and exploring places but I was not having it. The temperature was miserably cold and I prefer spending time in nature other ways. I was very happy to finally come back to the house and reunite with my fish babies. Anxiety is the worst. I don't particularly like to use the S word, but anxiety is a really good vacuum. I go about my day thinking everybody in the entire world hates me and my existence and thinks I'm a loser. I'm usually, or at least used to be, really good about pushing bad thoughts away and thinking on the bright side. But I haven't felt genuinely happy in a w...

I've decided I'm going to look at things with a more positive outlook. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, it's cliche and a lot of people already are or should be doing it. To be honest, it's an on and off thing for me. I do my best to be positive and then something brings me down. I allow something to bring me down, rather. I then go back to being positive. But people like you better when you're happy and positive. It isn't like I'm trying to please anyone; I'm really not, but what's the harm in people liking you for a good reason? As long as people don't like me for trivial reasons like money or a temporary fill to a void. Life is easier when you're happy. I've just really been allowing myself to drip into negativity. It's not easy to stay out of it, given my circumstances. But we're going to try and avert our attention. On the bright side, I drew a comic in 2 days, for my Instagram webcomic @shorterinperson. I've be...

I dunno, I'm so out of it. I haven't posted consistently on here in AGES. Looking back at my old posts and seeing how in-depth they are and how much life I put into them really makes me miss my past self. I was full of life back then. I might still be now. I want to be. But I don't feel like I can be. Not anymore. October 2018 to January 2019 have been emotionally heavy and difficult for me. The reason behind isn't something I can just tell the whole world. Only a couple of close friends really know how much pain I endured. Just for context, I was feeling extremely negative, pessimistic, and low on self-esteem, and I wanted to end my pain by leaving this world. And it wasn't that anybody was directly targeting me. It was just that someone was put into the spotlight, and their given relationship to me is what made me feel so isolated and alone. Thankfully, God blessed me with the friendship of people with such wonderful levels of understanding and tolerance. I do...