Mirth and Melancholy

If you happen to be fluent in music culture, you might notice that most of my post titles are song lyrics. Not to say I'm fluent in music culture however, and it has actually been a while since I listened to this post's title origin song in particular. Additionally, scrolling on social media can reignite memories of songs into your brain.  Enjoyment - what a concept. One I can't be sure I've experienced. Oh, sure, I've enjoyed a number of things - food, experiences, comfort, to name a few. However, I can't say I truly felt enjoyment.  It's been a while since I've made an intermission like this, but before I continue, I'm going to go ahead and take my medications and prepare myself for bed before I continue writing.  Life has beaten me down in many ways, leaving me to feel hopeless for my future. I get frustrated with God sometimes, wondering why I get tested over the little things when I'm already getting tested over big things. I don't know ...

It has been years since my last post. And no, I'm not making that remark in jest to acknowledge the new year. Accurately speaking, I last posted a year and three months ago - on my 26th birthday. Ever since I made the life-changing move to my current location, every year has blinked by like a montage - not to mention, trauma affects one's memory. It just won't leave me alone. It's persistent, like an angry wasp enclosed within a cup. Even though I'm safe from the wasp when it's in that cup, I'm still responsible for holding onto it to make sure it doesn't escape. But it needs to get out in order for me to be free. Yes - the angry, loud, violent, dangerous wasp needs to get away - not stay trapped. Now you may be saying, "Well, it's not that easy!" and you'd be right - it isn't - which is why I meticulously described the wasp with adjectives. My freedom costs the release of a volatile creature which will, no doubt, dart at me, buzz ...