Mirth and Melancholy

A soft round face framed by short straight hair flashes a radiant smile at me. Her eyes, crinkled at the corners, shine in the ruddy light. Her chubby cheeks and bright smile seem to illuminate her face. Every time I look at her, she greets me with her uplifting expression. I always turn to her after a difficult day so she can cast her aura of endless euphoria upon me. The funny thing is, that little girl is me. Was me. Now, I don’t know who I am, or how I’ve become what I am. I find myself these days constantly asking: When was the last time I felt genuinely happy? But I receive no response, because I ask only myself and I don’t have the answer. Will I ever have the answer? I sigh and set the photo down. As much as I want to be that happy little girl again, I can’t. So many things have changed for me. People left, people came. I was hurried into a brand-new atmosphere, to which of yet I haven’t acclimated. Everything I once loved and enjoyed now seems like an aspect of the past; the ...

Alright lubbly people, today I will be talking about what the title says. Let's just get right into it. Tuesday, September 19 Project 1 in Digital Imaging class was due for critique today. Mr. Photoshop Teacher (let's just call him BB because he teaches other things too) divided us into six groups of three. He walked around the room touching everyone's shoulders and saying, "Remember your numbers. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 1, 2..." If I remember correctly, I was 6. After dividing us, BB decided where we all should sit. "Uhh, let's have all the sixes meet over here with Nura." Matt rolled his chair over to me. "What's up, Nura?" "Actually, let's meet over here with Matthew, so it doesn't get too crowded over there," BB said. Matt rolled his chair back to his original table. I was actually hoping we could meet at my table because my computer was being a turd and I was trying to upload my assignment to the homework f...

Zeyd just walked into my room and asked me why I get second place or third place. I'm assuming he saw the trophies set up on one of my windowsills. On my sister's side, there are all 1st place trophies. I just have 2nd place trophies. I just told him, "Because I'm a loser." First of all, placing first or second or third never fazes me. It doesn't matter that much to me; I don't care. If I place anywhere other than first in anything, I tell myself to look on the bright side and say, hey, at least you won something! To add to that, I'm not that competitive either. I'm not the best person to play games with, because I'll always play for the educational factor and not the winning factor. Anyway, I've kind of felt like a loser my whole life. This insecurity is separate from that huuuge phase of depression I went through after my move. I think this insecurity was all due to being the middle child for 8 years and 7 months, and having two sibli...

I wanted to talk about things that have happened at school before I forget everything. Lemme just make a brief table of contents so that I can make sure I don't leave anything out. The [Ongoing] ID search Crossing Cults Club #1 Social-Antisocial Monday Critiques and Tripods/Anxiety Attack This Is A Drill/Club Fair/Crossing Cults Club/The ONE TIME I STAY HOME This Is A Drill II/Polka-Dotted Balloons? Visits from Sunshine Crossing Cults Club #2 Stress Attack/Lindsey Pls QT Ice Cream/Burnt Floor *cracks knuckles* Let's get started.  Let's begin with the Crossing Cults Club #1, which happened Wednesday, September 13.  So, on Wednesday, I was walking through the A building when my friend Alexis caught me and asked me to come to the weekly Crossing Cultures Club meeting. I agreed, because who could turn down free pizza, you know? I took a slice of pizza and basically said nothing during the entire meeting. It was my first time there, so I didn't want t...

You know, if my blog could be turned into a book after I die, it would be next Anne Frank diary. Except... stupid. But quirky. And intriguing. Kinda like me. Anyway, let's get back to where we left off. The last thing I talked about was my meeting with Sunshine. I last saw him on Friday where he was teaching karate class in the masjid. He let me be timekeeper at the end of class when they were sparring. It meant kind of a lot to me. Thanks Sunshine! One of the reasons I love this blog is that despite being public, no one reads it until I share the link, and even then, no one reads it regularly. (Mostly because I don't update regularly lolol) And because of that, I feel comfortable to post all my secrets here. One of my current secrets is... I lost my college ID yesterday. Losing your college ID is a pretty big problem. The fee for replacement is $10. And even if I get it replaced, I'll need to also get a new bus pass decal. And I'm not sure if they do that, fee or...

[MONDAY, AUGUST 28] Someone sing the Jeopardy song. *annoying warbling* Thank you. Alright, where was I? Haaa, wait. I didn't actually start. So, it's 12:43, and I'm on my break until 1:30, when my next class starts. I decided to pass the good amount of time by writing. I was so ready to start off the fall semester as a new college student with big smiles and positive vibes, but, as you discovered from my post about the first day, things went somewhat hectic. In fact, the entire week was hectic. MON: I freaked about the eclipse while waiting in a long line for my ID. TUE: I walked into my DI class late. WED: I tripped at school while holding cotton candy (a story I hid from y'all because it was just too embarrassing. And no I'm not gonna tell y'all about it.) THUR: I got mauled in karate class. (Thanks Yasmeen) FRI: I got up early and visited FinAid at school, underwent an emotional wave, and rushed out to buy cookies at Tom Thumb. SAT: I got up...

What happened since I last posted? I know I need to talk about Eid, and my crazy weekend post-Eid. I've got less than twenty minutes until my last class of the day, so this needs to be brief. On Thursday, I came home early to make cookies for a bake sale at the VRIC Eid Bazaar. I won't mention what happened at the bazaar -  it was pretty uneventful. On Friday, Eid day, we went to a convention center for the Eid prayer, and after that we went to someone's house for a nice brunch. I had a nice soft bagel with cream cheese inside. After that, we went home and relaxed for a bit, and then prepared to go to the next house. After having some food at that house, we went home and then went to a park. After the park party, which was pretty boring, we went home, and that was the end of the day. On Saturday, I went to NLC at 10am to try and get my photoshop homework done. Alright, this is actually a really long and wild story that I'll elaborate more on in the next post. On...