Mirth and Melancholy

Well, tonight's a quiet night. I expect everyone is out trick or treating...? Is it permissible for Muslims to celebrate Halloween? It's the ceremony of the devil, to say the least. I don't know if people, namely Muslims, who celebrate this holiday know the history behind it, because the history is quite chilling. And not the good chilling you like to feel when you watch a horror movie. The spooky, eerie, sadistic chilling. Let me educate you. Sit down. The origin of Halloween goes all the way back to the time of pagans, when it was called the Celtic Day of the Dead. On this day, the Druids would try to please their lord of the dead, Samhain. October 31 marked the eve of the Celtic New Year, and on this night, it was believed that the souls of dead people entered the land of the living and roamed around. Among these dead souls were also devils, witches, and spirits, all of which on this night were full of power. Halloween was the night of games which involved fort...

There I go, using song lyrics for post titles. Again. I'm so creative sometimes and other times I'm not. It's really annoying because I don't have a clear, unwavering answer of who I am. Well, I guess the word "wavering" is enough to describe me. I'm in the school library and I just cast my vote. I got a sticker that says "I Voted Today" and it's red and blue and white and all cute with tiny stars around the edges and all that jazz. I don't know what I'll use that sticker for, but I'm going to keep it like the memory hoarder I am. This is my first ever vote in my life. Hopefully next time there will be better candidates. If there is a next time.World might end before then. Chillax though; I have hope that everything will turn out well. Because that is the case with most things. Right? *nervous smile* Anyway, I had a point here which I kinda forgot. Oh, yes. So I was going to say that I love school when I'm here. Pe...

Please listen to this so that you know the reason behind my post title: I'm Alive Warning: FEELS AHEAD!!! If you don't wanna cry today, read this post some other day.  I've never really thought I was worth anything to anyone. Maybe I don't have to feel it for it to be a reality, but sometimes I like to be assured just so that I'm not motivated to end my life. I know the reason for living is to serve Allah and not to serve others, but along the way we all do need other people to help lift our spirits and bring us up. I've been feeling pretty down lately, but it's solely my fault. Suicidal thoughts have been bubbling in my mind. What's the easiest way to commit suicide? How do you kill yourself without having to use a knife? What if I walked outside and had a car run over me? What if I stay out late on Halloween night and let a creepy clown kill me? (Yes, that last one was something I actually considered.) And then the most popular question... ...

So I have a test today, and I haven't really studied at all, but hey, who studies anyway? My legs are hurting so much. I think I pulled a muscle. I've been walking everywhere way too much nowadays. Mondays and Wednesdays I walk all around campus. Saturdays I *usually* walk in the stores when we go shopping (our weekends have been so occupied lately that the schedule hasn't been regular for quite a while). That's the general summary of my week concerning walking, but this past week ... or maybe I should say these past WEEKS have been soooooo chock-full of energy. And walking. Ugh. Went to Six Flags a couple weeks back. Went to the State Fair. Went on a field trip with geology class to Oklahoma. We were in a bus but we did have to WALK!!! But, yeah, my legs hurt. But I shouldn't complain because I have SOME friends who have an even BIGGER campus than mine and they stay at school for a longer amount of time than I do. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, M8 Anyway, what am ...

Here's a list of topics I intend on tackling in this post: School system and why it sucks Everyone's own kind of happiness I'm going to talk about the second one first because it's what has been on my mind since I had a conversation with my mom before we prayed Asr. Here's how the conversation went (paraphrased into my own words according to my horrible memory). I told my mom that I like English class. "Why?" she asked. "Because everyone likes you?" "Yes," I confirmed. She kept silent. "What?" I asked. "You got a problem with that?" "No. I just think it's weird that you are only happy when people like you." "Well, yeah! People don't usually like me." "I don't know. It's basically showing that you don't think you're worth anything." "Yeah, I don't! I'm not." "Why? You should be happy about the things you are good at. No...

...I really need to go to the bathroom. One sec. *scrambles off of bed* Well that was rather refreshing. I wish all bathroom trips could be like that. Anyway, I'm home right now. Mondays are always short days. Today was a good day. Not too much drama occurred. Yes, drama does occur... at least in my eyes. Okay I don't have anything to say for now so I'm gonna leave this tab open until a thought strikes me. (2:40 PM) (3:34 PM) I'm kinda sleepy so I'm gonna take a short nap. Keyword: short. ta-ta. (6:15 PM) That was a very nice short nap. Woke up 30 min ago, prayed, and ate dinner. And I still have nothing to talk about. So I'm gonna go write something. ta-ta. (9:40 PM) lmao still got nothing to write about and anyway mi mama needs this laptop to do something so I be going. Bye bye. Until next time! :)

Naming my blog posts is such a hassle, is it even necessary? lol I was told to write what my heart wants, but what does my heart want? Fame? Friends? Love? Clothes? Lipstick? Ankle boots? That's what I really want.... I wanna buy one of the hoodies from my community college's bookstore but I'm poor and the hoodie is too expensive. ($19.95 lmao I'm so poor I can't even pay 20 (in all honesty I can but I have to save money)) Oh hey by the way, I'm giving the halaqa tomorrow. I'm rather nervous. This will be my first halaqa as an adult (my first halaqa ever, because I'm lame and I never give halaqas lol lmao) and I really hope it goes well because I have an activity planned for later :D I made cheesecake brownies and they turned out really nice, though a bit dry. I'm going to have to find a better recipe. I can never for the life of me find a reliable brownie recipe. We're progressing really quickly in school. Next Saturday I'm goi...

I've reached the age of eighteen Happy birthday I've been told And even though I'm considered young I really can't help but feel so old. Only just yesterday was I seventeen So young and bright and fun But now that I am eighteen The time for those is done. My face is messy and full of zits Yet still people think I'm in 8th grade But I suppose those corpulent chubby cheeks Are why my baby features stayed. I'm so old but I stand five feet Will I ever grow taller? Only time will tell But the halfway mark I'll probably never meet. There are so many things I'm now allowed to do Vote and drive, live by myself But my naive spirit lives on. Will it ever be gone? I hope this year is a year of good I'll make it better than I ever could I'll act my age, just as I should And with that I conclude my ode to adulthood.  ~ So, yeah. I turned 18 on Saturday. No, we didn't do anything special. Altho...